am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
