Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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