Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
