dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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