Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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