You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
