where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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