My balls are so social today.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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