How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
