i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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