11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need to calm my uterus...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
