and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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