I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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