when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
