everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
