Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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