Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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