Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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