Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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