yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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