i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
