I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I want her autograph on my taint
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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