She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
