Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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