Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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