brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you win again, gameday.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
