At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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