dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
