"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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