as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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