I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
