so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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