I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
