new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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