So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
