Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
