it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
