xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
