I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
