Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
