i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i've created a new STD.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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