he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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