I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
