Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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