ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
