my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
