I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
