...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Swine flu. Run for my life!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Drunk is not a location!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
