Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
