Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
