You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
