is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
