meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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