My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
