I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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