Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You smell like stripper and shame
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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