If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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