did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
