Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
