Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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